Caring Well for Kids on the Field

God has brought many families through the remarkable adventure of cross-cultural ministry. These families can be a vital source of guidance for parents wondering how to care for their children in the midst of transition and even upheaval.

Over the years, I’ve heard four similar pieces of counsel: prepare them, shepherd them, protect them, and involve them.

Prepare Them

Missionary families move around a lot. As a result, children must be flexible. This constant adaptation can lead to confusion about identity and sometimes a deep sense of loss. It’s helpful for children to identify what they are feeling and develop healthy strategies for processing their emotions.

There are unique challenges of being third culture kids. David Pollock and Ruth E. Van Reken, who pioneered the vocabulary around TCKs, emphasize that children need the anchors of family, place, and community. These anchors act as mirrors that help children discern who they really are.¹ This is especially true when they are very young. For TCKs, these anchors and mirrors change as their environment changes. That’s why it’s so important to prepare them to understand and adapt to these shifting foundations.  

One important way to care well for children on the field is to teach them these unchanging truths:

• If we repent of our sins and put our trust in Jesus Christ as our only Savior, then he is our anchorwho defines who we are (Heb 6:16-20).
• We are adopted sons and daughters of God through Christ, so our family in the truest sense of the word is the body of Christ (John 1:12; I John 3:1-2).
• The earth and this life are temporary and fleeting. Our permanent home and place are in heaven (2 Cor 4:18; Phil 3:20; 1 Pet 1:4).
• Our community identity is ultimately found with the citizens of heaven (Acts 2:42-47; Eph 2:19-22).
• The word of God is themirror that helps us see how God defines us and gives us purpose and meaning (Jas 1:23-25).

It’s important for parents and children alike to embrace these truths as they keep a heavenly perspective amid this earthly journey.

As you prepare your kids for transition, put yourselves in their shoes as the changes come fast and furious. Tell them about the new families they will be going to church with. Dream with them about their new bedroom. Imagine what it will be like to be in their new school. Help them face their fears with you. Think through a plan for what to do when they feel afraid of the unknown.

Shepherd Them

Children also need to be shepherded through the changes they will face. Jeremey Pierre’s book The Dynamic Heart provides a helpful structure for communicating with children living cross-culturally: read, reflect, relate, and renew. 

Read: Care for your children by paying close attention to their behavior.² This is especially important with TCKs because they may not realize what’s happening as they experience transitions. Consider these questions: Which circumstances appear to be most significant? How do they respond, particularly during transition? What seems to define their identity? Where do they turn when those foundations are lost? 

Reflect: Care for your children by helping them understand their responses biblically.³ What is motivating them? Is it an unbiblical desire? Are they constructing a false picture of themselves or their circumstances? What do they need to see more clearly about their understanding of God and their disposition toward him? 

Relate: Care for their souls by pointing them to Jesus.⁴ Gently help them see that only faith in Christ will give them a right outlook on their circumstances (Phil 4:4-13). Show them that they can only love others when they receive Christ’s love by faith (I John 4:7-21). Teach them that those who put their trust in Jesus find their identity through their union with Christ by faith (Rom 6:5-11). That never changes, no matter where they live! If they belong to the family of God, they are always accepted in God’s presence because of Christ, even when they feel like they don’t fit in. This is good news for believing children and a great evangelistic opportunity for those who haven’t yet believed.

Renew: Show love and care for your children by calling them to godly responses. This involves helping them understand what active faith truly looks like:

• Steady action that flows from a heart that trusts God’s wisdom over their own preferences, even in flawed circumstances (1 Thess 5:18) 
• Loving others instead of fearing or using them (Rom 13:8-10)
• Dying to self and living to Christ (Gal 2:20)
• Seeking God more than anything in life (Heb 11:6, 13-16)⁵

Protect Them

In addition to tending to their hearts and minds, safeguard your children in the field by ensuring their physical protection. Instruct them about what to eat and what needs to be washed first. Teach them what the road signs mean and how the traffic patterns may be different from what they’re used to. Help them understand what’s expected when they walk into a shop or pass an open market.  

As parents, you must be students of social norms both for yourselves and your children. Pay close attention to how local children interact with one another. Be careful to warn your children that the way they interact with people in the U.S. may be very different. Find out some of those differences before you move. If possible, practice them at home before taking the children to church or to a dinner in someone’s home. This prepares the children and also protects them from miscommunicating or offending others.

Another form of protection are the daily structures of your home life. Children thrive with routine, especially amid frequent transitions. Fighting for those routines when you first land in your new home might not seem necessary, but it’s well worth it.  

Involve Them

Finally, commit to involving your kids in the work God has given you. Though this must be done with great care and discernment, when children are kept from participating in serving others, it may rob them of seeing God’s work in the church. Don’t force them to do things they are not comfortable doing. But give them the opportunity to help their dad while he sets up the chairs for the service. Or have them pull weeds for the elderly member who can’t kneel down anymore. These opportunities teach them self-sacrifice and widen their view of the church. This affirms that what you are doing has deep purpose and eternal benefit to the lives of others.   

Children are truly a gift from the Lord (Ps 127:3). May you fervently pray for your children. May you prepare them, shepherd them, protect them, and involve them in the life of your ministry. May your children see the glory of Christ through your lives, and may they be drawn to follow him.  

1. Pollock, David C., and Ruth E. Van Reken. Third Culture Kids: Growing up Among Worlds. 2nd ed. Nicholas Brealey America, 2009.
2. Jeremy Pierre, The Dynamic Heart in Daily Life: Connecting Christ to Human Experience (New Growth Press, 2016), 183.
3. Pierre, The Dynamic, 194.
4. Pierre, The Dynamic, 209.
5. Pierre, The Dynamic, 224.